Relationship App Challenge: Sparking the fire in dull conversations

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The Gottman Card Deck App is a mobile app created by The Gottman Institute to help improve relationships with conversation starters, date night ideas, sexy activities, and more. My boyfriend and I are working through the app to see how it improves our own relationship. This is the Gottman Mobile App Challenge.

Read John Gottman’s best-selling book: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert

Read Post #1 in this series.

I really love talking. I think it’s the best way to get to know someone and yourself. But it can be really hard sometimes. Once you get through the customary small talk and catching up at the beginning of a conversation, there’s usually a lull and the participating parties grab their phones to fill the silence. It happens with your romantic partner, friends, coworkers, family.

That’s why I love activities that force conversation. It sounds a little harsh, but it’s sometimes the only way to get the conversation going.

The second card deck in the Gottman app is: Open-Ended Questions. I sat down with my boyfriend Bosch the other day to ask some questions about each other over dinner. Here’s an example of some of the questions the app suggests:

• What adventures would you like to have before you die?
• What is one way you would like to change?
• What do you find exciting in life right now?

The app makes it fun by randomly suggesting questions (with a little shake of the phone) that you and your partner, romantic or not, have to answer. The great thing about this particular deck is that it doesn’t have to be used with your significant other. These questions would be a great conversation starter for a girls’ night, book club, Friendsgiving, family gathering, or one-on-one hangout with an old friend.

Trying out this deck with my boyfriend was eye-opening, and not surprisingly, I learned some things I never knew about him, despite having known him since we were 16 years old.

Sometimes these conversations don’t naturally spark on their own, and that’s okay. Sometimes you prefer to spend your time in silence with your partner, and that’s okay too. Whatever makes the two of you happy is a beautiful thing. But if you’re craving a bit more conversation and don’t know where to start, the Gottman Card Decks app is a fantastic resource for relationships.